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DGW and Cannibalism…

October 28, 2008



The DGW vessel left port in Athens, GA early in September in search of treatment or a cure for Duchenne muscular dystrophy.

Nonprofit pillagers, the burly crew takes support from people everywhere they go. They recently claimed quite a bounty in Syracuse NY, but a note found off of US-20 near Cobleskill, NY leads authorities to believe that the notorious crew’s resources are running thin….

Here is the account of the letter as found:
October 29
Day 12 on this leg of our journey to sell one million DVDs in one year.


We are beginning to lose spirits.


Many of our men have been suffering from severe coughs and throat congestion. I fear they may be coming down with the dreaded
cold virus.


We have traveled far into the north. Our bodies are not used to the extreme weather in this harsh terrain, and our clothes are not adequate to keep out the cold.

I try to keep my hopes up, but I fear the worst for my comrades.


We have also grown hungry. Fast food and junk food are destroying our stomachs, and I have noticed some of the other crew members eyeing the one they call Jason.


I myself have had thoughts of Jason, turning and roasting over an open fire.

He would truly be delicious.


My chum Ben has ventured out in search of water. (Due to our circumstances, the only way to obtain even a single drop is by purchasing a bottle of precious and rare mountain spring water.)


Alas, he returns empty-handed.


Tears flow from his face as he realizes his thirst may persist, for at least another hour or two.


Crew-member Daniel has also taken a turn for the worst. His mind is going sour with thoughts of places and times that do not exist.


Sometimes, late into the night, we catch him alone, talking to himself in the mirror or his reflection in a window.


The other day while I was discussing with him memories of our previous voyage, he began a long rant about favorite TV shows from his childhood.


This is significant, because many of the shows he mentioned never in fact existed.


These are dark times, ladies and gentlemen, but I swear upon our great organization we will find the light at the end of this tunnel. Paradise must be just around the corner, or we will surely be lost.


Luckily, at every turn we find support in our tireless quest.


I know in my heart that the wind will continue to carry our sails.

——————————————————————-

17,384 DVDs sold!

Leading States: New York, Georgia, South Carolina
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6 Responses to “DGW and Cannibalism…”

  1. On October 29th, 2008, Mimi and Emma said:

    RECOUNT BECAUSE WE SHOULD BE 1ST

    LOVE
    MIMI AND EMMA :(( :((

  2. On October 29th, 2008, Mimi and Emma said:

    RECOUNT BECAUSE WE SHOULD BE 1ST

    LOVE
    MIMI AND EMMA :(
    :(

  3. On October 29th, 2008, christi said:

    It would seem NY is in first place. Congrats to them! And thanks for all the good work the team is doing! Keep up the good work!!! You are an inspiration to many!

  4. On November 23rd, 2008, austin and mimi said:

    Hello

    Luv Mimi and Austin

    :-) :-)

  5. On November 23rd, 2008, austin and mimi said:

    Hello

    (Again)

  6. On January 26th, 2009, John H said:

    For those of you wondering about Sam Johnson’s appearance (busted lip). He got hit with a Frisbee at point blank range.

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